HomeSports NewsRussell Wilson is going to triple everything and that’s a bad, bad...

Russell Wilson is going to triple everything and that’s a bad, bad idea

Russell Wilson is in the motivational phase of his new run as Broncos QB, and that includes making bold statements — like his desire to triple EVERYTHING.

I totally get at what he’s saying. If someone says to watch film for an hour, he’s watching three. If a coach wants him to attempt 15 skinny posts in practice, he’s throwing 45. Who wouldn’t admire this kind of dedication to the craft and moxie?

That said, part of me is really worried for Russ’ adherence to the entire tripling process. I mean, he’s already gone out and purchased a vehicle three times larger than anything else on the road — so he might be taking this idea to heart a little too much.

This is really a question of moderation when it comes to life. Hell, when I was younger I thought the idea of a triple baconator from Wendy’s was a good idea — now the idea makes me want to hurl. I’d throw down three shots without care, now I’m terrified I’ll wake up in a mid-30s hangover. Life’s cruel like that. Being a few years older than Russ I feel qualified to warn him about the dangers of tripling everything, and I’d like to cite a few examples for his own reference, just to keep himself at his best.

  • If a doctor says you need a painkilling shot … don’t take three
  • If the trainer recommends 20 mins in an ice bath, don’t stay in an hour and give yourself hypothermia
  • If your offensive coordinator wants an eight yard dig in the end zone, please don’t throw it 24
  • Doctors say you need eight hours of sleep a night. If you sleep for 24 hours it’s an issue
  • If the team goal is to throw six interceptions to limit turnovers, don’t aim for 18
  • Professional athletes should eat around 5,000 calories a day and drink roughly 112 ounces of water based on Wilson’s body mass. It would be dangerous to consume 15,000 calories while drinking 336 ounces of water
  • If you put on three sets of shoulder pads it will limit your mobility. One is fine
  • God forbid you have a near death experience, don’t aim for another two
  • Pay attention to the serving size on probiotic gummy bears. If you eat six in a day you could get bacterial overgrowth and constant diarrhea
  • On the topic of gummies, you’re in Colorado now. If someone offers you an edible just have one and mellow out. Please don’t eat three and go to the moon
  • A 50 mph speed limit is not a dare to go 150
  • When baking a cake, accept that the recommended temperature is 350 degrees. Don’t get an industrial kiln, crank it to 1,050 degrees and incinerate your torte

There are plenty of examples of tripling being a terrible idea. I know what you’re going for with this Russ, but I’m worried about you man.



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Recent Comments